My brain says no but my pants say off.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
