Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
