there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
