you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
