A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
