He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
