Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
