So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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