Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
