i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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