I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Enjoy the penises
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
