At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
