my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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