I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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