good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
