i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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