you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
