I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
