I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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