I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
