another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
