and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
