you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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