yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
