I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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