thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
