i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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