I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
