Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
