I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
