That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
