hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i was born a porn star she said
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
