I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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