took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
