After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
