I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
