I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
