Fine. I'll sleep in my office
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
