If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
