can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
