there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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