Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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