I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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