Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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