I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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