so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
