At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
