You made me cry and you don't even care
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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