I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
