So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
