Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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