i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
