he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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