HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
