Cold hands, warm shart.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize