YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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