let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
