Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
