Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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