you guys were way drunker than both of me
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Is Oprah even human
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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