I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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