Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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