did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I can't put those talents on a resume
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
