My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Found the puke drawer
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
