Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
