let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize