i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
