if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
