I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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