A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you didnt know i had herpes?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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