I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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