Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
