Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
