it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
