We won't sleep together?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
