I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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