Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
