SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
